Andrea Wilson Woods' Blog

That’s what one of my coworkers just said. “I believe toxic emotions cause cancer.” She wasn’t speaking to me; she was standing near my desk though. It took all the willpower I had not to jump out of my chair and say, “You’re wrong. Cells growing out of control cause cancer. If toxic emotions caused cancer, then every negative person in the world would be ill.”

A highly intelligent, older woman made that statement. I want to shake her and scream, “Toxic emotions didn’t kill my sister. Cancer did. Cancer caused by hepatitis.” I won’t touch her, of course—that would be assault.

I don’t know what is harder to deal with: the fact that my coworker believes what she said or that Adrienne believed the same thing.

AWW — XoXo

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Just once I want to know what it feels like to lie down, close my eyes, fall into a deep, dreamless sleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed and rested—like the character in the children’s book Caps for Sale. I dread going to bed because I know I will lie there unable to turn off my brain.

Tonight in less than five minutes, these thoughts flooded my head: Will J.K. Rowling actually kill Harry Potter (Don’t tell me!)?; Maybe I should sum up the Howard letter (at work) by emphasizing his philanthropic interests instead of specific charities; God, my neck hurts from reading without moving for two hours; Will I finish Chapter 17 (in my memoir) this Saturday so I can email it to my mentor?; Are Winston’s hips (my beloved English Mastiff) still hurting tonight?; Corey sounds so peaceful when he sleeps; and I wish Little Bit (cat) would stop kneading my stomach because it already hurts.

I can’t turn it off without medication, which I hate to take. Sometimes I will swallow the dreaded pill—usually when I haven’t slept well for days. I just lie there and think. About everything. Then I pray to Adrienne like I do every night. Then I think some more. I hate these thoughts that won’t stop as they zip around, neverending since they seem to prefer a circular path. Help.

AWW — XoXo

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