Andrea Wilson Woods' Blog

I’m so angry I can’t sleep. The rage courses through my veins like a river that’s been unleashed because some kind of internal dam broke or snapped or crumbled to pieces. And no, I’m not mad about the economy. I’m angry because people who knew my sister seem to have gotten on with their lives—as they should. But despite all of the obvious signs that I have moved forward (Since 2001, I have gained a husband, a dog, a new degree, and more than one new career) , a part of me feels empty. Void. Over it already. I’m so tired of pretending. Most of the time the grief conveys itself as sadness, but sometimes, like tonight, it rears up its ugly head and blows out flames of fury. I have no right to be mad at these people who used to be my friends, who used to be a part of my daily life. They didn’t lose their child; they lost a “niece.” I can’t expect them to experience the same level of loss.

Maybe what hurts the most is that in many cases, I don’t even know why these friendships ended or lessened. I don’t know what happened. I had the opportunity once to find out when one of these people wanted to talk to me again after more than five years of silence. I decided not to speak with him because I knew anything I said would sound angry and defensive. I also know him well enough to know that he probably thought he could apologize, and I would forget—or least forgive him—for his absence. I can fake happiness, but I can’t fake forgiveness.

For years, I lived in this idealistic fantasy land where I believed people were inherently good, that friendships lasted forever, and that karma truly existed. Though some of these childish notions were challenged as I became an adult, they were absolutely shattered when cancer killed my sister Adrienne, who was also like my child since I raised her from the time she was eight years old until her death at the age of fifteen.

I’ve always known life isn’t fair, and I realize my life could be so much worse. I’m lucky to have found some happiness after such a tremendous loss. However, when I have bad nights, like tonight, when I can’t sleep because I can’t stop crying (even after taking anti-anxiety medication) and there’s not one person in my cell phone I feel comfortable calling in the middle of the night, I feel even shittier. What no one tells you is that when you lose a loved one— especially a child—you lose so much more. You lose your child, your relationship, your stepson, your godson, your friends, and … a piece of yourself.

I tell my husband all the time that I have to die before him because another loss will kill me.

AWW — XoXo

Posted under Adrienne & People/Relationships | 1 Comment »

Remember when the Academy Awards used to say “And the winner is …” before handing over that sacred gold statuette? Now they instruct all of the presenters to say “And the Oscar goes to” so the losers don’t get their feelings hurt. At some point during my lifetime, “winner” became a bad word because—to continue with the film industry analogy—all of the nominees are winners. Bullshit. If that were true, every one of them would receive an Oscar, but they don’t. Only one person in each category does (unless there is a tie, a rare occurrence), which brings me to my point—the last presidential debate.

The winner last night was clearly Sen. Barack Obama. With every debate, he has become more articulate and more specific about his ideas while still espousing his message of change and hope. I’m now ready to concede that on Wednesday, November 5, we will wake up and hear the news, “And the presidency goes to …” What? That phrase sounds noble, but who actually speaks that way? We are not the Academy. In the real world, people lose. Let’s say what we mean. “And the winner is Sen. Barack Obama.” I’m sure Sen. John McCain will get it over it.

AWW — XoXo

P.S. I don’t trust the polls though. My prediction as of today is that Obama will win by no more than 30 electoral votes.

Posted under Entertainment & Politics | No Comments »

After reading in the magazine The Week how many Americans will start to feel the pains of the economy, my husband and I were soon bitten. First, one of my creditors lowered my credit limit. Their explanation was that I missed a payment. Well, I did miss a payment—six months ago—when an online transfer didn’t go through due to technical difficulties on their website. As a result, my payment was late, the one and only time this type of thing has ever happened with this particular creditor. Maybe I should mention the creditor in question is Washington Mutual, and they’re not doing too well these days.

The second ouch came when another creditor closed an old account that had a zero balance. Any credit expert will tell you it’s better to  keep an account open—even if you never use it—especially when it has a zero balance. Why? That account helps to lower your debt to credit limit ratio, an important factor in determining your credit score. So by closing my account, which was in good standing, that creditor effectively helped lower my credit rating. Are you sensing a pattern here?

Anyway, the third ouch was my husband’s retirement account statement. He expected a loss, but seeing 16 percent of his retirement gone in one quarter still felt like a punch in the stomach. Luckily, he’s not retiring any time soon.

I’m getting nervous. All of these events occurred within four weeks of each other. Recently, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger stated he may ask the federal government for a loan because California cannot pay its bills. He’s encouraging California residents to buy state bonds, and I’m thinking 1) Why should we? and 2) With what money?

AWW — XoXo

P.S. I forgot to mention that California is on fire again. Sigh.

Posted under News & Politics | No Comments »

I admit the title of this blog is somewhat ironic considering I am an “artist” who occasionally writes about politics. (Trust me, my interest in this subject matter will diminish after the election.) However, I just received another ridiculous email from a fellow artist who forwarded this Huffington Post article from playwright Eve Ensler best known for The Vagina Monologues.

The most upsetting thing about Ensler’s article is the many partial truths littered throughout it. Artists are not journalists so therefore they often don’t do the necessary research before voicing their opinions. Ensler is absolutely entitled to her point of view; however, she should be accurate when she discusses Sarah Palin’s record.

For example, Ensler condemns Palin’s action of shooting “hundreds of wolves from the air, ” but what she fails to mention is that this practice is legal in Alaska. It is called “predator control” because it is used to keep the populations of moose and caribou high for subsistence hunters. If one wanted to twist this fact in the opposite direction, one could suggest that Palin is providing food for the people in her state by supporting and participating in a law that allows them to kill the predators who prey on the animals  that many people eat. By the way, this predator control program is limited to just 9 percent of the state’s land mass, and unlike the lower 48 states where gray wolves are endangered, they number between 7,000 — 11, 000 in Alaska.

Ensler also states that Palin is against abortion, doesn’t believe in global warming, and tried to ban books. Let’s be clear about Palin’s beliefs, which are far more nuanced than Ensler would like us to believe.

• Palin is against abortion in almost all cases except when a mother’ s life is in danger. Palin’s view stems from her belief that life begins at conception, a view shared by many religious people in this country.
• Palin believes in global warming, but she doesn’t think it is necessarily manmade. She stated in the vice presidential debate that it is part of the cyclical nature of our planet, a view shared by many scientists. Even though she doesn’t think man created it, Palin is prepared and has ideas about tackling global warming.
• Palin never tried to ban books. Look it up on factcheck.org.

Another issue Ensler has with Palin is that she owns guns. Well, the Second Amendment allows for the right “to keep and bear arms” and approximately 25 percent of Americans own a gun. Does Ensler condemn them too? Ensler also wants us to believe that Palin doesn’t support sex education; well, that’s not entirely accurate either. Palin supports abstinence-only sex education.

Some facts in Ensler’s editorial article are correct. Palin believes in God, and she does support drilling in ANWR. Senator McCain suppors the former; he opposes the latter so drilling in ANWR is unlikely to happen during his administration … should he be elected.

Perhaps Ensler’s article would have been more powerful if she hadn’t opened with her sentimental feelings about polar bears. Right away, she comes off as an extreme animal-rights activist who puts animals before people instead of an intelligent woman trying to convey her concerns about one of our vice presidential candidates. Don’t get me wrong, I love animals, and Ensler is correct in that Palin wants polar bears removed from the endangered species list because according to the Anchorage Daily News she believes the listing “will cripple oil and gas development” in Alaska’s northern coast, a prime polar bear habitat. The conclusion I draw from Palin’s opinion is that she believes energy independence is a higher priority than protecting polar bears. People before animals. I think many would agree with her.

AWW — XoXo

Posted under Entertainment & Politics | No Comments »

I feel sorry for Sarah Palin because she has already lost her way. Political pundits predict that the McCain campaign is prepping, drilling, and hammering Gov. Palin with an overabundance of knowledge so she won’t say the wrong thing tomorrow night. The Katie Couric interview was a debacle, and now Palin is expected to be more than perfect to make up for it. Well guess what guys—nobody is ever perfect. If Palin was allowed to be herself, she would win back the hearts of those undecided voters who deserted the McCain campaign after Palin’s gaffe and the first presidential debate. I hope she does well tomorrow night, not because I support her views, but because I don’t want anyone to blame her gender if she screws up.

My sympathies aside, here is a New York Times article you must read about Palin. I also urge all women to sign the Planned Parenthood petition that personally addresses Palin and her views about women’s choices.

AWW — XoXo

Posted under Politics | No Comments »