Andrea Wilson Woods' Blog

Before I could understand why I bond more easily with men, I first had to examine male and female friendships. Nothing explains it better than this Friends the difference between men and women television clip. After seeing it, I realized despite being the first among my close high school girlfriends to lose her virginity, I hardly said anything about it. The conversation went something like this:

Girlfriends: Did it hurt?
Me: Yes.
Girlfriends: How much?
Me: A lot!

Despite our tight lips about certain subjects, I was very close to those girlfriends, but after high school, I moved to Los Angeles to attend USC, where I suddenly found myself surrounded by men. I remember thinking what Harry said to Sally about how men and women could never be friends because the sex always gets in the way. Most of the guys I met wanted to date me, and I went out with many of them. Some of those doomed romances developed into friendships, but they were not the same as my few female friendships.

Harry is right; the sexual tension never completely goes away. Even if you are not that attracted to the person, having a friend of the opposite sex brings another element to the relationship. I like having male friends (MFs, not to be confused with MILFs) because:

1. They are good for my ego. For example, one MF always greets me with “Helllooo gorgeous!”  When I admitted this truth to a different MF, he said, “That is very masculine of you.” I like the harmless flirtation because it’s safe and comfortable.
2. Men are completely honest. If I’m being irrational, illogical, or a general pain in the ass, they tell me. The candor goes both ways. I can be normal blunt self with my MFs, but I cannot be so honest with most women.
3. MFs are rarely jealous, judgmental, vindictive, gossipy, or mean, and they don’t compete with you. I didn’t even realize that some of my (now former) female friends competed with me until the men in my life pointed it out. When I think about competition, I imagine winning a board game, not beating my girlfriends at life.

When I asked my MFs about this issue, here is what they said:

• You don’t have girlfriends because girls in general don’t value loyalty. Men have friends for life; women have friends for months.
• You are entirely too blunt, too honest, and you speak your mind.
• You are like a having a guy friend, “low-maintenance.”
• We were always friends; we just didn’t talk. (A MF’s comment after a nine-year hiatus in our friendship due to a fight—guess that loyalty thing is true.)

Oscar Wilde once said, “Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” I beg to differ. Maybe I have more MFs now because I grew up climbing trees, jumping off roofs, and begging the boys to let me play ball. Then again, I played with Barbies and took ballet lessons. However, I still remember the constant teasing and bullying in junior high; being verbally abused by my female peers hurt my self-esteem for years.

Positive female friendships are rewarding, yet complicated; they require more time, energy, and effort. Maybe I just don’t want to work that hard anymore. My MFs love me for who I am, and for that—I love you, man.

AWW — XoXo

P.S. I honestly love women, but as for finding my BFF, I don’t discriminate; gender doesn’t matter.

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