Don’t misunderstand; I don’t feel sorry for myself. I could try, but I don’t want to because I am bored. Later, my husband will be upset that I didn’t make more of an effort to talk to “our friends.” However, with my new “No longer faking it” creed, I refuse to pretend that I like hanging out in a bar in a strange town with people whom I deem as acquaintances. I should add that I haven’t slept well in weeks, and that all I fantasize about lately is eight hours of uninterrupted, non-medicated sleep. I send my drink back not only because it is too strong and the vodka is terrible, but also because the alcohol will make a good night’s rest more difficult because it induces vivid dreams.

Finally, we leave the bar, and I look forward to whatever Olympic coverage is still airing on NBC. Despite my rant, I have fun skiing in Mammoth, and thanks to my husband, I have been many times now. So in my humble beginner-intermediate skier* opinion, here is the best of what Mammoth has to offer:

Best Ski Lift: Chair 12

Base elev. 9,042′
Top elev. 9,707′
Rise 665′
Length 2,851′

With many simple, groomed, intermediate runs, I am a huge fan of the double Chair 12. According to my research, it is a good place to learn about powder skiing, and in my experience, you can avoid crowds, too, because fewer people ski the back side of the mountain. Chair 12 takes you to chairs 13 and 14, which also have intermediate runs. If I am tired, I stick to Lower Road Runner, which is fairly flat, but narrow in many spots so I can practice my turns. If I feel more ambitious, I will ski White Bark Ridge or Secret Spot. My goal is to eventually ski all of the blue runs at Chair 12 even the steep ones (e.g., New Critters) that scare me.

Best Ski Shop: Footloose Sports
With their famous “Try Before You Buy” policy, Footloose makes it easy to find the perfect pair of skis and boots. We had rented equipment from them in the past, but in December, my husband decided it was time that I had my own skis and boots so I demoed a new set each day. Chris, one of their boot experts, recognized that my wide feet could only fit into two kinds of boots. When I complained that the pair we were about to buy still felt too tight, his alternate suggestion turned out to be the right fit. Julia recommended different skis for me to try based on my height and my expertise. In the end, I came home with electric blue Head skis and smoky grey Tecnica boots.

Best Accommodations: Edelweiss Lodge
With its Swiss chalet exterior and personable caretakers Keith and Marta, Edelweiss feels like home. A gift basket in every room invites guests to partake in Marta’s famous chocolate chip cookies, and pets are always welcome. We have taken our English Mastiff there, and the owners didn’t even blink at Winston’s size. In fact, they gave him his own gift basket complete with homemade dog treats. The only unfortunate experience we have ever had is that during our last visit, I contracted hot tub rash; it was the first time we have ever used their hot tub facility. However, we plan to return to Edelweiss considering that Keith and Marta have offered us a two nights’ free stay for what I now call “The Incident”; we just won’t ever use their hot tub again.

Best Dinner: Mogul Restaurant
We went to this restaurant with ten other people, and everyone was happy with their meal. Whether you desire steak, chicken, pork, lamb, fish, or seafood, I guarantee The Mogul will have a dinner that will fill your stomach and ignite your taste buds as you savor their sauces. They have a “Lite Dinner” selection for those patrons who want to save room for dessert, and their wine list not only contains a decent selection, but the prices are reasonable, too—especially for a restaurant. While the salad bar is average, their entrees are not. I recommend the Mogul Chicken: a double boneless breast marinated in red wine, honey, soy sauce, red wine vinegar, brown sugar, Worcestershire, and spices. The menu states it is “grilled to perfection”—considering how moist, succulent, and delicious my chicken was, I completely agree.

Best Happy Hour: Austria Hof Lodge
According to its website, the Austria Hof restaurant is Mammoth’s only “truly authentic German” cuisine. I don’t know about the main dining room, but the bar downstairs is a divine happy hour experience. With tasteful martinis and many German beers on tap served by a friendly staff (ask for Sean the bartender), the drinking is elevated to new heights with their delicious appetizer menu. My favorite was their baked brie on crostini accompanied by grapes and apple slices; it was like tasting a piece of heaven. And unlike the bar  that I discussed in the opening of this blog, the Austria Hof Happy Hour has a touch of class. I think it’s the food. You have to be at least partially sober to appreciate it.

Best Breakfast: The Stove
“County cookin’ since 1970″ is what the sign outside The Stove says, and I believe it. The Stove is so popular that locals eat there, they don’t have to advertise much, and they don’t even need a website. As long as you can put aside any thoughts of keeping your cholesterol in check and be patient regarding the 20-minute or longer wait, you will be able to enjoy the huge helpings, pleasant service (the same Sean from Austria Hof served us here, too!), and typical eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, and hashed browns breakfast. Of course, they have other items such as French toast and omelettes, but I stick to the basics at The Stove. My only complaint is that their biscuits could use more lard, but at least they are not as dry as most non-Southern biscuits. After all, we Southerners are biscuit experts!

Best Bakery: Erick Schat’s Bakkerÿ
With locations in Bishop and Mammoth, you have two opportunities to visit Schat’s Bakkery, home of the original sheepherder bread. This European-style bakery has everything from bread to pastries to cookies to candy. My husband and I often buy olive or raisin bread depending on our mood, and we always indulge in some cookies. The mail-order catalog is only a partial list of the many goodies this establishment has to offer. If you are anywhere within a 50-mile radius, Schat’s is worth the stop. I recommend the Bishop location because it is much larger, and therefore has a more diverse selection.

Best Coffee: Looney Bean
I imagine Looney Bean is what Starbucks was once upon a time: a small coffee chain with great brews and a distinct personality combined with a touch of hometown charm that makes each location unique. While their pastries lack taste altogether (much like Starbucks), Looney Bean is the place to buy and drink coffee in Mammoth. They provide free Wi-Fi and plenty of indoor and outdoor seating for their customers. I especially like their support of local artists as well as their helpful—but not hyper—staff. With two locations in California (Mammoth and Bishop), and one location in Oregon, Colorado, and Mexico, Looney Bean is easier to find than Schat’s, but still inaccessible for most people. However, you can experience their coffee by joining Club Looney Bean, but if you are in Mammoth, stop by for a cup of java. You’ll like the taste of Looney!

No “Best of” review would be complete without at least one “Worst of” segment. Perhaps I shouldn’t, but here is my most humiliating and humbling experience at Mammoth:

Worst of Mammoth: Jim of the Mammoth Ski Patrol
What are you doing here? Why didn’t you ski down? Why can’t you walk up the road? Why are you alone?
Instead of “Are you okay?” I was grilled like a second-class citizen when Ski Patrol Jim discovered an exhausted me at the side of the mountain in December. I had gone down the wrong way (i.e., too steep), and I had tried to hike back up to where I needed to be. However, my thighs were burning, my chest was aching from pneumonia, and my head was spinning between actual sweating and nervous anticipation as I watched the sun descend on the horizon. I knew I had to get down the mountain, and I knew the easiest way was to ski down, not to walk back up to a flatter run. But I was too tired to struggle with the steep slopes.
Seeing the ski patrol was like an answer to the prayer that I forgot to say, but instead of feeling relieved, I felt stupid. After an initial burst of tears, I recovered enough dignity to say to Jim, “Why are you treating me this way? I thought you were supposed to be helpful.” Instead of answering my question, he diverted it by engaging in light chitchat. Although we were on civil terms by the time the other ski patrol arrived on the snowmobile to return me to the main lodge, I’ll never forget how Jim made me feel: like a moron. If there is a next time, I will either ski down or slide down on my ass, but I will not allow myself to be “rescued” again.

AWW — XoXo

* According to a Mammoth Ski Instructor, beginner-intermediate is an actual level. I was unable to take a beginner’s class because I am too intermediate, and I didn’t qualify for the intermediate class because I am too much of a beginner. Geesh!

Even though Mr. Vick has served his jail sentence and has expressed remorse for his crimes, many people believe that his acts were so evil that he should not be allowed to play professional football again. Perhaps they are forgetting some of sports more notorious villains … the ones who hurt humans.

• Once famous for her triple axels, Tonya Harding is now remembered as the person who attacked Nancy Kerrigan before the 1994 U.S. Figure Skating Championships. Only Harding didn’t do it, her ex-husband and her bodyguard assaulted her biggest rival. Though she maintained her innocence, Harding pled guilty to “hindering the investigation” of the attack; she received a fine, community service, and probation. After conducting its own investigation, the USFSA banned Harding for life from ever participating in their events as a skater or as a coach. Her career has been reduced to a sex tape, Celebrity Boxing, and The Smoking Gun Presents: World’s Dumbest.
• After a Pistons fan threw a cup of beer in his face, Ron Artest, (formerly) of the Indiana Pacers, confronted the wrong man and then punched another fan who had verbally mocked him. His actions in 2004 led to the worst brawl and the longest non-drug or betting related suspension in NBA history. Although Artest was suspended for the rest of the season and lost approximately $7 million in salary, he was not charged with assault. In fact, he didn’t go to jail until he was arrested for domestic abuse in 2007.
• In 1992, boxing weight champion Mike Tyson was convicted of raping Miss Black Rhode Island aka Desiree Washington. He was sentenced to ten years in prison, but was released after only serving three years. He immediately resumed his professional career. Two years later, Tyson assaulted Evander Holyfield by biting off a piece of his right ear during a boxing match. The Nevada State Athletic Commission revoked Tyson’s boxing license, but they reinstated it fifteen months later. Even though he was on probation, Tyson did not return to jail.
• O. J. Simpson may not have been playing professionally when he was arrested for murder in 1994, but as a spokesman and an actor, he had been profiting off his successful sports career for years. A Heisman trophy winner and NFL Player of the Year, the “Juice” parlayed his championship status into endorsement deals as well as film and television roles. Despite a former domestic violence charge, suspicious behavior, and circumstantial evidence, twelve Los Angelenos found Simpson not guilty for the murders of his former wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman. He was a free man until he was convicted of armed robbery and kidnapping in 2008. Simpson is currently serving a 33-year sentence, which he plans to appeal.

Hmm … perhaps public perception is shaped by what sport you play, how good you are, and who your victim is. (Mommy says gender, race, and location may be other contributing factors.) In other words, if Mr. Vick was a mediocre golfer who beat up homeless people, maybe no one would care. From where I sit, Mr. Vick can do two things: run dogfighting rings and throw a football. Speaking for my fellow canines—especially the Philly dogs, we don’t want his kind around us. Let him play ball, pay his taxes, and pretend to be sorry. As long as Mr. Vick stays away from us dogs, the NFL can have him.

With three tale thumps and one wet kiss,
Winston

P.S. I would like to thank my mommy for helping me research and type this blog. (My paws are so big that I do not have the manual dexterity to operate a keyboard.) To see more pictures of me, become my friend on Dogbook and Dogster.

Some people say Kobe isn’t a team player; a viable issue earlier in his career that I feel has been resolved due to strong coaching, increased maturity, and an ever-deepening love for the game. If you don’t believe me on that last point, watch the 2008 Summer Olympics Men’s Basketball Ceremony; Kobe wanted to win for the United States, not for himself. Many people have expressed a dislike for Kobe because he got away with rape. Well, maybe he did, and maybe he didn’t. However, just as I refuse to judge a whole team by one player’s actions, I’m not going to allow my personal opinion of Kobe to taint my view of his athletic abilities. No matter what you think of the man, you cannot deny his talent and skill. Kobe Bryant may not be my favorite NBA player (Michael Jordan stole my heart years ago), but he is one of the greatest basketball players of all time, and he happens to play for the LA Lakers—my local team.

As game five of the NBA Finals approaches, I have some final words for my fellow Los Angelenos. If you are rooting for the Orlando Magic because you are originally from Florida, you have always liked the organization, and/or you have a thing for Dwight Howard, then I wish your team the best of luck. However, if you want the Magic to win simply because you hate the Lakers (i.e. you hate Kobe) then you have no community spirit whatsoever. With or without Kobe, I support the Lakers because they are a Los Angeles sports team. Veteran player Derek Fisher not Kobe saved game four on Thursday night by tying the game and forcing it into overtime. Pau Gasol, Trevor Ariza, and Lamar Odom have contributed more than their fair share during the post-season playoffs. The Lakers are not perfect, but they do represent the “City of Angels.” We should be proud of them.

As for all of you local Lakers Haters (including my husband), I cannot wait to see the looks on your faces when the Lakers win the national championship, their fourth one in the past ten years. Because they will succeed, and when they do, you can kiss my Lakers-loving ass.

AWW — XoXo