ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS …

5. The return of common courtesy, good manners, and etiquette
As an experiment, I googled “common courtesy”; it garnered 512,000 hits. Then I tried “Britney Spears” for comparison—63.2 million hits. Those numbers accurately depict today’s society. I can remember a time when what Emily Post said mattered; now I’m sure most people under the age of 30 don’t even know who she is. I recall my mother telling me that a woman was allowed to check her makeup in public (i.e., open her compact and tap on some powder), but applying makeup in public was a no-no. When I was a child, I got in trouble for calling the “young” grownups next door by their first names even though they told me to. My mother made me march over to their house and apologize for my bad manners. Most children today, however, don’t know how to behave properly in public let alone the definition of the word etiquette.
Yesterday, I discovered that rudeness is not limited to younger generations. I was at our local liquor store buying a lottery ticket. A man, easily 30 years my senior, appeared to be in line ahead of me. Not wanting to cut, I moved back to allow him his spot. He snarled, “I’m not in that line. I’m in this line,” as he pointed to an area where there was no line. Grumpy bastard. So much for trying to be courteous! I used to dislike it when my students called me “Ma’am” because it made me feel old; now I am just grateful that someone taught them some manners.

4. For politicians to stop being politicians
I believe our forefathers would be disgusted by our two-party, partisan political system; it is an utter disaster. At what point did politicians forget that they worked for the people who elected them? They spent taxpayers’ dollars—our money—as if we had an endless supply. Oh wait … we do … as long as China keeps lending it to us. (Guess greenbacks grow on trees over there.) I love the movie Bulworth starring Warren Beatty because he plays a politician who decides to start telling the raw truth about both political parties. He raps …
“I’m a Senator.
I gotta raise $10,000 a day every day I’m in Washington.
I ain’t getting it in South Central.
I’m gettin’ it in Beverly Hills.
So I’m votin’ from them in the Senate the way they want me too …
and-and-and I’m sending them my bills.”

Of course, Bulworth is assassinated because no one likes a politician who tells the people the way things really are. Once upon a time, I entertained the idea of running for Burbank City Council, but then I realized I am the female Bulworth. I couldn’t lie to the people who placed their trust in me to make their community a better place. Here’s my truth:
“You want better schools and you want higher scores,
Well guess what parents, you need to get involved more.
Our Burbank teachers can only do so much—
Stop spoiling your kids, pay attention, get in touch.
They don’t need cell phones or tons of clothes,
School isn’t childcare as you should know—
Help our teachers, your children, and yourselves, too
Stop blaming the schools for the mistakes that you do!”

3. An empty email inbox.
Make that four empty inboxes since I currently use and check four email accounts daily. (That’s down from six so I have made some progress.) I still have three other “active” accounts: USC, AOL, and Gmail; they are forwarded, ignored, and used for research purposes respectively. In order to reduce the amount of email that I receive, I finally unsubscribed to daily emails such as Word-a-Day, weekly emails such as Early to Rise, and monthly emails from all retailers. Some people don’t understand why I haven’t signed up for Twitter or established a LinkedIn account yet. There’s an easy explanation—I cannot handle another thing to do or to check every day.
I remember when I didn’t even own a computer. I recall having only one email account for years. When did life become so electronically busy? Sometimes, I just want to become an ostrich, stick my head in the sand, and disappear from the planet for a while. I definitely see a day when I will withdraw from society because I can’t imagine spending my twilight years with my eyes glued to the glow of my laptop in an effort to keep up with my online identity. Forget the fact that hours on the computer is the one of the major causes of my migraines (hence the reading glasses—oh joy); I need the touch, smell, sound, and sight of real people. But I digress. For now, less email will do.

2. A president who doesn’t suffer from ADD and a desperate need to please everyone. (Or for Barack Obama to stop trying to be a hero who believes he must simultaneously solve all of the world’s problems.)
Recent studies have shown that people who are heavy multi-taskers, like our president, cannot give items their full attention; therefore, their brains suffer as a result. Communication professor Clifford I. Nass stated, “They’re suckers for irrelevancy. Everything distracts them.” One could argue that if their mental function is impaired then their job performance suffers as well. According to recent polls from a variety of sources, President Obama’s approval rating has slipped to 47 – 49 percent. Considering he entered office less than a year ago with a 68 percent job approval (only one president out of the last eight—Eisenhower—had numbers that high), the drop is significant.

So here is my unsolicited, non-partisan advice, Mr. President. Try focusing on one thing at a time. You cannot fix everything all at once, and anyone who expects you to spent too much time listening to your campaign speeches last year. I have nothing against “Hope” and “Change” but you are one man, and your first name isn’t Super. You must learn to prioritize like the rest of us. Now if you consulted me, my top three concerns are the economy, the war, and the healthcare debacle. Americans need jobs and we need to know that our troops and our country are safe before you convince us to go into another trillion dollars in debt. I may not agree with all of your decisions (okay, most of your decisions), but one thing is certain—the results of your “multi-tasking” politics are showing. The Tea Party movement is increasing in numbers, Sarah Palin already sold a million copies of her book, and Fox News is not only finishing this year as the top-rated cable news network (no surprise since it has enjoyed this rank for the past eight years), but it is also experiencing its best ratings ever in the network’s 13-year history. F-O-C-U-S = Focus, Mr. President.

And the #1 thing I want for Christmas is …
the perfect job!
If you can make this one happen Santa, I promise to tell everyone that you are real—including my younger brother. I told him the “truth” about you when he was five years old, and it made him cry. It turned out okay; our mother made me go back and lie to him. I consider that moment one of my first as well as one of my finest acting performances. Anyway, here’s the criterion for my perfect job:

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could all list everything we wanted in a perfect job and on Christmas morning there would be an offer in our stocking? I recently found a position that meets most of the above requirements but since it is in academia, I probably won’t hear anything for months. I do have to thank A.B. for allowing me to use him as a reference. As Santa knows, personal relationships are everything.

AWW — XoXo

P.S. I apologize for not posting a blog for so long. My normal goal is one post per week. I’ve been ill with pneumonia ever since I participated in Thrill the World on October 24. Being sick for this long has kicked my ass!

Girlfriends: Did it hurt?
Me: Yes.
Girlfriends: How much?
Me: A lot!

Despite our tight lips about certain subjects, I was very close to those girlfriends, but after high school, I moved to Los Angeles to attend USC, where I suddenly found myself surrounded by men. I remember thinking what Harry said to Sally about how men and women could never be friends because the sex always gets in the way. Most of the guys I met wanted to date me, and I went out with many of them. Some of those doomed romances developed into friendships, but they were not the same as my few female friendships.

Harry is right; the sexual tension never completely goes away. Even if you are not that attracted to the person, having a friend of the opposite sex brings another element to the relationship. I like having male friends (MFs, not to be confused with MILFs) because:

1. They are good for my ego. For example, one MF always greets me with “Helllooo gorgeous!”  When I admitted this truth to a different MF, he said, “That is very masculine of you.” I like the harmless flirtation because it’s safe and comfortable.
2. Men are completely honest. If I’m being irrational, illogical, or a general pain in the ass, they tell me. The candor goes both ways. I can be normal blunt self with my MFs, but I cannot be so honest with most women.
3. MFs are rarely jealous, judgmental, vindictive, gossipy, or mean, and they don’t compete with you. I didn’t even realize that some of my (now former) female friends competed with me until the men in my life pointed it out. When I think about competition, I imagine winning a board game, not beating my girlfriends at life.

When I asked my MFs about this issue, here is what they said:

• You don’t have girlfriends because girls in general don’t value loyalty. Men have friends for life; women have friends for months.
• You are entirely too blunt, too honest, and you speak your mind.
• You are like a having a guy friend, “low-maintenance.”
• We were always friends; we just didn’t talk. (A MF’s comment after a nine-year hiatus in our friendship due to a fight—guess that loyalty thing is true.)

Oscar Wilde once said, “Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” I beg to differ. Maybe I have more MFs now because I grew up climbing trees, jumping off roofs, and begging the boys to let me play ball. Then again, I played with Barbies and took ballet lessons. However, I still remember the constant teasing and bullying in junior high; being verbally abused by my female peers hurt my self-esteem for years.

Positive female friendships are rewarding, yet complicated; they require more time, energy, and effort. Maybe I just don’t want to work that hard anymore. My MFs love me for who I am, and for that—I love you, man.

AWW — XoXo

P.S. I honestly love women, but as for finding my BFF, I don’t discriminate; gender doesn’t matter.

In a story about straight-male friendships, Paul Rudd’s character Peter realizes after becoming engaged that he doesn’t have any male friends to be his groomsmen. He’s not even that close to his father or his gay brother (played by Andy Samberg). So Peter begins a quest to find friends using his family, his fiance, and the Internet, but his attempts to form new relationships meet with disastrous albeit funny results. Of course, when Peter stops looking, he meets Jason Segel’s character Sydney — a real man’s man whose bluntness turns off many people.

I couldn’t stop laughing as I watched Sydney and Peter sing Rush songs in the “man cave” (i.e., no women allowed). Sydney is a firm believer in having fun, and he is also brutally honest, which forces Peter to open up about himself, his relationship, and his dreams. Their newfound friendship feels real, and even when it is tested, it survives. This onscreen, make-believe, male friendship made me wonder about my friends …

• Why do I have more male than female friends?
• Is it because I’ve always been competitive and aggressive — traits normally associated with men?
• Is it because I am (according to my father) too blunt?
• Regarding friendships, how do men differ from women?
• Why do I like having male (gay or straight) friends?
• Can a straight woman and a straight man be friends?

I’m going to ponder these questions … look for my next blog titled I love you man — part deux

AWW — XoXo

Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982) This comical spoof of the 80s culture with a terrific ensemble cast taught me that, unlike Stacy, I didn’t want to lose my virginity to a stranger; I wanted to be in love. I also didn’t want to become pregnant (especially by a sleaze bag) in high school. * I was and I didn’t.

Sixteen Candles (1984) When her entire family forgets her 16th birthday, Samantha hates her life—even more so when her school crush Jake accidentally finds out about her feelings for him. This movie made me believe that the awkward sort-of-pretty-but-not-gorgeous redhead could end up with the handsome hunk. It didn’t happen until my senior-year spring break in Daytona Beach, but I did eventually land the best looking Canadian guy—a true “pretty boy.” Being with someone who is more beautiful than you are is a strange feeling, but instead of being jealous, I became used to the constant stares of bikini-clad women looking at him. After all, he was with ME.

The Sure Thing (1985) One of my favorite John Cusack films, The Sure Thing chronicles the journey of two very different college students, a goofy guy and an uptight girl, as they try to get to their spring break destination in California. He’s going for the “Sure Thing” and she is visiting her oh-so-perfect boyfriend. Naturally, they hate each other. Besides laughing my ass off, this movie taught me that personality wins over looks every time. My best romantic relationships usually have rocky starts—from a guy dumping a drink over my head to my 195-pound dog stepping on my boyfriend’s balls (an incident that almost ended the relationship). However, these bumpy beginnings taught me that I not only need someone who will stand up to me, but I also need some verbal sparring to keep things interesting. Only a smart, funny, confident man can meet those requirements. If he happens to be attractive, too, well, that’s just a bonus!

St. Elmo’s Fire (1985) A movie about what happens to a group of friends after college graduation, St. Elmo’s Fire launched the careers of actors such as Demi Moore, Rob Lowe, and Andrew McCarthy. Although the film may seem a bit cheesy now, its theme is noteworthy: strong friendships can survive almost anything: sex, infidelity, drugs, obsession, etc. These characters remained friends through it all. We all expect to work at our romantic relationships, but friendships need the same kind of attention. I’ve learned since, however, that both parties have to want to make amends or the relationship will not survive.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) This light-hearted comedy reminded me that maybe I shouldn’t take myself so seriously. I actually saw this movie in the theater and for some reason stayed through all of the credits. I’m glad I did because Ferris tells the viewing audience “It’s over. Go home.” I laughed so hard and eventually took my own day off during “Junior Skip Day”—my graduating class’s reaction to the traditional Senior Skip Day. When most of (some students went to school—what party poopers!) the entire junior class couldn’t fit into his office, our principal decided punishing us all with suspension would be silly because he would be giving us permission to miss yet another day of school. I felt just like Ferris; we beat the system!

The Breakfast Club (1985) Following the success of Sixteen Candles, John Hughes wrote and directed The Breakfast Club, a simple film about five high school stereotypes who discover they are not so different when they are forced to spend the day together in detention. What I like most about this film is that it teaches us that at certain times in our lives, whether it’s passing time in school detention, sitting in a jail cell, or lying sick in a hospital bed, social status ceases to matter. No matter what, we are all human beings. The characters explain it best in the final voiceover of the film:

“Dear Mr. Vernon, We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it is we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us, in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out, is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basketcase, a princess, and a criminal. Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, The Breakfast Club”

Thank you Steve Bloom, Cameron Crowe, Amy Heckerling, Carl Kurlander, Rob Reiner, Jonathan Roberts, Joel Schumacher, and of course John Hughes for creating wonderful films that guided me through my youth.

P.S. The music in these movies is quintessential 80s and absolutely timeless.

AWW — XoXo

It would be easy to classify The Reader as just another war film or even an ad for literacy, but as I ruminated over its theme, I realized that it’s not that simple. The film reminds us that someone, usually the person you would least expect, can have a profound impact on our lives. As we walk toward the future, we carry our pasts with us, but usually our memories are buried in our minds, not visible for others to see. However, when those pieces of personal history pop into our present lives—reminding us of who we were then and who we are now—emotions cyclone like a tornado causing us to relive the joys, sorrows, fears, pains, and regrets that we never thought would surface again.

This epidemic of our pasts haunting us has become more prevalent due to online social networks like Facebook and MySpace, which reconnect us with childhood friends, high school pals, college roommates, and previous lovers. We have to ask ourselves: Do we want to be our history’s “friend”? And if we do, why and what does that mean exactly? Are we recapturing our youth? Reliving fond memories? Reflecting on what we did or didn’t do?

Relationships end for a reason, but the Internet has guaranteed that if we desire, we can perpetuate our past connections well into our future. The question then becomes—should we?

AWW — XoXo

P.S. A self-proclaimed overly nostalgic, sentimental person, I am a huge fan of Facebook.