Andrea Wilson Woods' Blog

Ahh … spam. That tasty pork product molded into the shape of a small rectangular box. Mmmm … Yuck. I hated spam even though I ate it as a child. I find it funny now that the definition of spam has expanded to include, “Disruptive messages, especially commercial messages posted on a computer network or sent as e-mail.” I dislike the new spam more than the old canned stuff. Then again, who doesn’t hate spam?

There are numerous types of anti-spam software in existence, but the best thing that blocks spam on my blog is Akismet. Mention the word penis and you’re blocked. Want to sell me some Xanax? I don’t think so. Granted I have the spam blocker on its highest possible setting so I don’t read about porn or pills. However, I still get some spam occasionally, and it is often quite funny.

“Kaylee” and “Tibby” wrote, “I saercehd a bunch of sites and this was the best” and “That’s really tnhiinkg out of the box. Thanks!” I’ll ignore their misspellings if only to point out that vague, appreciative comments especially on older posts are almost always spam.

In response to Five Signs, Claudette commented, “Cars and houses are not very cheap and not everyone can buy it. However, mortgage loans are invented to help different people in such cases.” “Mortgage loans” was a link to another site and this comment was not related to the topic—two more signs of spam. Another spammer tried to do the same thing on the same post with an outside link to “home loans.”

I like receiving spam in foreign languages; it is usually an Eastern European country pushing a prescription drug. One time, a Russian spammer wanted to sell me furniture. I don’t read Russian; I use Google Translate when I’m curious about the non-English spam. Don’t judge—an insomniac like me has to do something with her time.

My new favorite pest is Diablo 3. He won’t go away. Despite his demonic name, his spam comments are quite benign. “Excellent data. Lucky me I reach your site by accident, I bookmarked it.” Like Kaylee and Tibby, his comments are obscure and nice as well as grammatically incorrect. Considering his screen name, I wish he would come up with something more exciting to say, but then again if he were too naughty, Akismet would kick his ass out of existence.

To identify spam, look for these red flags:

• Ambiguous, complimentary comments that have nothing to do with the topic
• Off-topic links embedded within the comments (most anti-spam software will catch these culprits)
• Foreign language comments especially if they include lots of random symbols
• Same spammer posts different comments (e.g., my darling Diablo 3)

Now that I have used the word penis twice in this blog, I wonder how much spam I will get. Ha!

AWW — XoXo

P.S. If you write a blog, I recommend reading Jaron’s 10 tips for identifying blog comment spam.

Posted under General & Writing | 2 Comments »

Dear Mr. Zuckerberg:

Congratulations on being TIME’s Person of the Year. As one of America’s youngest billionaires and newest philanthropists, you have changed the world and I applaud your success. Now that you have connected 550 million people, I wonder what your goal is for the most successful social networking site on earth. I uncovered your plot, but first let me tell you about my Facebook (FB) experience.

In the spring of 2007, I was working as a writer at USC’s Cinematic School of Arts. I saw a work-study student reading something online. When I asked what she was doing, she replied, “I’m checking my Facebook account.” Laughing at my puzzled expression, she said, “It’s like Myspace—only for college kids.” Even though I was a graduate student, I knew she meant “kids” her age. As a member of Generation X, I was too old for FB.

My next encounter with FB was when a couple created a FB Cause page and used the charity I founded, Blue Faery, as a cover to raise money for their wedding. I can’t remember how we [the board] discovered it, but I was furious. A few emails and a phone conversation resolved the matter, but what I want to know is:

• How could FB allow people to take advantage of nonprofits?
• Doesn’t FB have regulations in place to prevent fraud?
• Doesn’t FB require an employer ID number?
• Doesn’t FB confirm the charity’s current status with the IRS? Back then, apparently not.

Needless to say, I didn’t feel warm and fuzzy toward FB. In fact when I opened an account in 2008, it was only to monitor any future threats to Blue Faery. I didn’t bother adding personal information, uploading photos, or searching for friends. I didn’t see the point. I remained a ghost within the FB network. I wasn’t telling people where I was and/or what I was doing, airing my personal opinions, or inciting political arguments.

In early 2009, however, a friend convinced me to officially join FB in order to promote my writing. Now that seemed like a legitimate reason to become part of this social networking experience. Within days, I convinced my husband to open an account. Within months, I had connected with old high school and college friends. I started publishing links to my blog, and the amount of traffic on my website quadrupled. Of course, I was addicted to FB and checked it three times a day.

One of the biggest complaints that I had heard about FB is that you could not personalize the page the way you can on Myspace. I beg to differ. While the backdrop remained the same, two years ago people’s pages looked different. As a new user, I liked scanning my friends’ pages to see how they set up their public faces. Some people had a variety of tabs that included photos, videos, applications, etc. People decorated their wall tabs (or sidewalls as I like to call them) differently, too. Some of my friends added flair. Others added their favorite movies. No two walls looked alike.

The first indication that things were changing was when the “Boxes” tab would no longer store information from outside applications, which was disappointing because I had a Relative Tree set up there as well as silly quiz results. Then FB limited what users could display on their sidewalls. No more flair. No more causes. No more Dogbook. You could only show FB’s main ingredients such as links, notes, photos, etc. I wasn’t happy as my page became more depersonalized, but I accepted it.

Next, FB automatically displayed “Likes” on the sidewall and started suggesting random friends based on similar likes. FB became even more invasive when many of my friends discovered that their “private” messages had become publicly displayed on their friends’ walls. This abuse of trust didn’t happen to me, but I began deleting all of my previous messages. I no longer believed they were private. Perhaps I was naive to think that they ever were.

I know many people who have disliked FB’s changes in the past year such as where groups appeared, how notifications changed, etc. But like them, I adjusted, relearned the “new” FB, and moved on until a few days ago. Now I am disgusted.

• FONT—The font is so small that I have to use Ctrl and + to enlarge it, and my vision is nearly perfect.
• INTRO—I don’t need FB to introduce me to the world (e.g., “studied professional writing,” “married to”), as if I am meeting a cousin at a family reunion picnic.
• PHOTOS—Who wants FB randomly selecting photos and displaying them like a banner at the top of their page? If people want to look at my pictures, they can click on that tab. Oh wait …
• TABS—What the hell happened to the tabs? What little individuality that was left remained in allowing people control over their tabs.
• LINKS—Where are my links? Why are they no longer publicly available? I cannot find them, and I followed the so-called directions (i.e., Go to Home, click Links, click My Links). My initial purpose for getting on FB was to promote my writing, but all of my former links are gone.

I decided to check on my friends’ pages to see if they had met with the same fate. Indeed, they had. In fact, every person’s page looks exactly the same. On the sidewall, you see Info, Photos, Friends, and maybe Notes followed by a random selection of FB Friends. You might also see Spouses and/or Family members. With a few minor exceptions, all pages are identical. Overnight, FB created a homogenized society and ruined my social networking experience.

From my perspective Mr. Zuckerberg, your programmers have absolutely nothing to do so they change FB for fun; you kowtowed to advertisers and gave them more space by sacrificing FB users; and you want to create a collective world in cyberspace where all FB members lack distinction, originality, and identity. If I wanted to experience a generic, uniform society, I would have joined a sorority in college.

After an event I planned on FB ends, I am deactivating my FB account. I realize that my website might suffer, but I will find other ways to promote it. (At least the FB business and group pages remain the same.) However, I do need to thank you, Mr. Zuckerberg. Thank you for creating FB because

• it made planning my 20-year high school reunion much easier;
• it reconnected me with people that I haven’t spoken to in years*; and
• it showed me just how little privacy is left in the world.

Most of all, thank you for giving me almost four days per year of my life back since I will no longer be on Facebook.**

AWW

* Reconnecting with former friends is not always a good thing.
** Based on 15 minutes per day

P.S. For my FB friends, you can contact me the old-fashioned way—email me!

NOTE: Read my official complaint to Facebook, like the “We hate the new profile page” and complain to Facebook about your new profile.

Posted under General | No Comments »

I get bored easily. Very easily.* My problems with focus are exemplified by the many unfinished projects in my life, the high number of 14-week relationships that I’ve had, and the reason that I don’t stay at a job for more than three years. I need a change as often as a baby with a wet diaper. As much as I like routine, I want the stimulation that a new career, new person, and a new hobby provide.

When I was a kid, Attention Deficit Disorder/Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD) didn’t exist. Children who displayed ADD/ADHD-like symptoms were labeled, “unfocused,” “fidgety,” “hyper,” or in extreme cases “bad” because they couldn’t pay attention. I don’t think I would have been diagnosed with ADHD because I am able to focus when I care to; however, I was so energetic as a child that I refused to take naps. Even in kindergarten, I couldn’t fall asleep during naptime. I would lie there with my eyes open staring at the back of a sleeping classmate thinking the time would pass more quickly if the teacher would just give me a book to read. She never did.

I started pondering this whole ADHD thing after I saw the film Julie and Julia. Here is a woman, Julie Powell, who started a blog, The Julie/Julia Project, devoted to a specific subject—cooking. In fact, she cooked her way through Julia Child’s Mastering the Art of French Cooking by completing 536 recipes in 365 days. As a result, she received a book deal, followed by a movie, then another book deal, etc. Now Julie Powell is a successful, working writer.

Sensing that Ms. Powell was onto something, I researched the most popular blogs. I’m sure that you have heard of them even if you don’t read them: TMZ, Gizmodo, Perez Hilton, The Huffington Post, TechCrunch, and Mashable. Whether they cover politics, entertainment, celebrity gossip, or computer tips, all of the blogs are focused on one topic. One single subject. I understand the concept of carving out your niche, becoming a subject matter expert, being the person who knows everything about x. The problem is … I would rather know one fact about everything in the world than know everything about only one subject. I guess you could say I am a breadth over depth person.

I am somewhat exaggerating, of course. I can speak at length about more than one topic, but I prefer to expand my knowledge base. I titled my blog, “Seeking happiness, hope, and wisdom” because I want happiness, need hope, and crave wisdom. Writing my thoughts down, discussing a variety of subjects, communicating with others—these things help me grow as a writer, as a woman, and most of all, as a human being. If I limited myself to one topic, I would feel trapped. For example, when Michael Jackson died, I had no intention of writing about him, but a reader asked my opinion so I did. To date, The Case Against Michael Jackson is the most popular post I’ve ever written. If I only wrote about politics or travel—two of my passions—I would not have been forced to examine my feelings about the King of Pop. I am thankful to the reader who challenged me, and I always welcome topics from my audience.

While my blog may not be in Time Magazine’s 25 Best Blogs of 2009, I feel good knowing I have some devoted fans who enjoy my writing. Perhaps I do have ADHD, or maybe I’m a passionate person with a variety of interests. One time I made a list of all the classes I would take if time and money were not issues: poetry, art, ballet, swing dancing, tango, yoga, horseback riding, viticulture. I stopped when I realized that I had more classes than days in the week. Anyway, I will continue seeking happiness, hope, and wisdom, and I hope you will join me in my search. I cannot guarantee our final destination, but I promise our journey will be rich, rewarding, and full of surprises.

AWW — XoXo

*I hate that I used two adverbs consecutively, but they seemed to fit. My apologies to Stephen King.

P.S. In addition to this blog, I have decided to write a short-term blog devoted to a single subject: Exercising My Ass Off in time for my 20-year high school reunion.

Posted under Writing | 4 Comments »

I am not someone who normally makes Christmas wishes, but this year … well … the world is bugging me. So Santa, if you’re listening, here is my Christmas list. It’s a tall order, but if anyone can do it, you can!

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS …

5. The return of common courtesy, good manners, and etiquette
As an experiment, I googled “common courtesy”; it garnered 512,000 hits. Then I tried “Britney Spears” for comparison—63.2 million hits. Those numbers accurately depict today’s society. I can remember a time when what Emily Post said mattered; now I’m sure most people under the age of 30 don’t even know who she is. I recall my mother telling me that a woman was allowed to check her makeup in public (i.e., open her compact and tap on some powder), but applying makeup in public was a no-no. When I was a child, I got in trouble for calling the “young” grownups next door by their first names even though they told me to. My mother made me march over to their house and apologize for my bad manners. Most children today, however, don’t know how to behave properly in public let alone the definition of the word etiquette.
Yesterday, I discovered that rudeness is not limited to younger generations. I was at our local liquor store buying a lottery ticket. A man, easily 30 years my senior, appeared to be in line ahead of me. Not wanting to cut, I moved back to allow him his spot. He snarled, “I’m not in that line. I’m in this line,” as he pointed to an area where there was no line. Grumpy bastard. So much for trying to be courteous! I used to dislike it when my students called me “Ma’am” because it made me feel old; now I am just grateful that someone taught them some manners.

4. For politicians to stop being politicians
I believe our forefathers would be disgusted by our two-party, partisan political system; it is an utter disaster. At what point did politicians forget that they worked for the people who elected them? They spent taxpayers’ dollars—our money—as if we had an endless supply. Oh wait … we do … as long as China keeps lending it to us. (Guess greenbacks grow on trees over there.) I love the movie Bulworth starring Warren Beatty because he plays a politician who decides to start telling the raw truth about both political parties. He raps …
“I’m a Senator.
I gotta raise $10,000 a day every day I’m in Washington.
I ain’t getting it in South Central.
I’m gettin’ it in Beverly Hills.
So I’m votin’ from them in the Senate the way they want me too …
and-and-and I’m sending them my bills.”

Of course, Bulworth is assassinated because no one likes a politician who tells the people the way things really are. Once upon a time, I entertained the idea of running for Burbank City Council, but then I realized I am the female Bulworth. I couldn’t lie to the people who placed their trust in me to make their community a better place. Here’s my truth:
“You want better schools and you want higher scores,
Well guess what parents, you need to get involved more.
Our Burbank teachers can only do so much—
Stop spoiling your kids, pay attention, get in touch.
They don’t need cell phones or tons of clothes,
School isn’t childcare as you should know—
Help our teachers, your children, and yourselves, too
Stop blaming the schools for the mistakes that you do!”

3. An empty email inbox.
Make that four empty inboxes since I currently use and check four email accounts daily. (That’s down from six so I have made some progress.) I still have three other “active” accounts: USC, AOL, and Gmail; they are forwarded, ignored, and used for research purposes respectively. In order to reduce the amount of email that I receive, I finally unsubscribed to daily emails such as Word-a-Day, weekly emails such as Early to Rise, and monthly emails from all retailers. Some people don’t understand why I haven’t signed up for Twitter or established a LinkedIn account yet. There’s an easy explanation—I cannot handle another thing to do or to check every day.
I remember when I didn’t even own a computer. I recall having only one email account for years. When did life become so electronically busy? Sometimes, I just want to become an ostrich, stick my head in the sand, and disappear from the planet for a while. I definitely see a day when I will withdraw from society because I can’t imagine spending my twilight years with my eyes glued to the glow of my laptop in an effort to keep up with my online identity. Forget the fact that hours on the computer is the one of the major causes of my migraines (hence the reading glasses—oh joy); I need the touch, smell, sound, and sight of real people. But I digress. For now, less email will do.

2. A president who doesn’t suffer from ADD and a desperate need to please everyone. (Or for Barack Obama to stop trying to be a hero who believes he must simultaneously solve all of the world’s problems.)
Recent studies have shown that people who are heavy multi-taskers, like our president, cannot give items their full attention; therefore, their brains suffer as a result. Communication professor Clifford I. Nass stated, “They’re suckers for irrelevancy. Everything distracts them.” One could argue that if their mental function is impaired then their job performance suffers as well. According to recent polls from a variety of sources, President Obama’s approval rating has slipped to 47 – 49 percent. Considering he entered office less than a year ago with a 68 percent job approval (only one president out of the last eight—Eisenhower—had numbers that high), the drop is significant.

So here is my unsolicited, non-partisan advice, Mr. President. Try focusing on one thing at a time. You cannot fix everything all at once, and anyone who expects you to spent too much time listening to your campaign speeches last year. I have nothing against “Hope” and “Change” but you are one man, and your first name isn’t Super. You must learn to prioritize like the rest of us. Now if you consulted me, my top three concerns are the economy, the war, and the healthcare debacle. Americans need jobs and we need to know that our troops and our country are safe before you convince us to go into another trillion dollars in debt. I may not agree with all of your decisions (okay, most of your decisions), but one thing is certain—the results of your “multi-tasking” politics are showing. The Tea Party movement is increasing in numbers, Sarah Palin already sold a million copies of her book, and Fox News is not only finishing this year as the top-rated cable news network (no surprise since it has enjoyed this rank for the past eight years), but it is also experiencing its best ratings ever in the network’s 13-year history. F-O-C-U-S = Focus, Mr. President.

And the #1 thing I want for Christmas is …
the perfect job!
If you can make this one happen Santa, I promise to tell everyone that you are real—including my younger brother. I told him the “truth” about you when he was five years old, and it made him cry. It turned out okay; our mother made me go back and lie to him. I consider that moment one of my first as well as one of my finest acting performances. Anyway, here’s the criterion for my perfect job:

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we could all list everything we wanted in a perfect job and on Christmas morning there would be an offer in our stocking? I recently found a position that meets most of the above requirements but since it is in academia, I probably won’t hear anything for months. I do have to thank A.B. for allowing me to use him as a reference. As Santa knows, personal relationships are everything.

AWW — XoXo

P.S. I apologize for not posting a blog for so long. My normal goal is one post per week. I’ve been ill with pneumonia ever since I participated in Thrill the World on October 24. Being sick for this long has kicked my ass!

Posted under General & Politics | No Comments »

As a tribute to David Letterman, I’m going to reveal the reasons I hate e-cards in reverse numerical order.

10. The e-card goes to your spam folder, and you never see it so you think someone forgot your birthday.
9. The e-card’s hyperlink doesn’t work, or it expires too soon so you cannot share the e-card with others.
8. The e-card arrives via cell phone, but the sender doesn’t realize that your phone cannot read multimedia messages.
7. The extraordinary flash animation of the e-card crashes your computer.
6. The e-card delivers a virus to your computer.
5. The virus that hitched a ride with your e-card crashes your computer.
4. Sending an e-card doesn’t show how hip and cool you are; it just reflects your laziness.
3. An e-card indicates that the recipient is not that important to you because shopping for the perfect greeting card, writing a personal message, putting on a stamp, and mailing the card take a little more time.
2. An electronic “signature” is impersonal; a handwritten signature is irreplaceable.

And the #1 reason e-cards suck … (for me especially)

When I am 70 years old and sifting through my memory box, I won’t be able to touch your e-card, open it up, and laugh all over again at your charming wit. I won’t be able to trace your signature and tear up because you are no longer living. I will still have memories of you, but it is the tangible object—the greeting card—that unlocks them for me.

AWW — XoXo

P.S. Don’t misunderstand me. I always appreciate birthday greetings (e.g., phone calls, emails)—just no e-cards, please.

Posted under General | 2 Comments »